Sometimes people lack empathy. We feel this deeply as sensitive women who were born with intense empathic tendencies.

When people don't understand often - they judge. This can feel like rejection, betrayal or like you are "too much" and so begins the emotional spiralling and self-abandonment.

Moments like this lead us to develop a "world view". Things like:

"People always abandon me"

"I don’t trust men with my heart"

"I believe that if I completely rely on others emotionally, they will be overwhelmed and leave."

"I believe that I carry all the responsibility in relationships."

"Intimacy is risky as I will get hurt, I need to fix myself first"

^^ these are real-life examples from this week's workshops.

Sometimes it isn't lack of empathy...it is because of the way we are looking at relationships or emotions through different eyes now - coloured by old experiences.

It’s a stunning skill to develop empathy regardless.

AND also we can look at these moments as ways to evaluate : wait - how am I feeling in this situation and what is it coloured by?A past lover? My father’s reactivity? My mums overly-needy behaviours? Or the fact I had to grow up too quickly?

A trigger is rarely a one person thing.

Our relationships mirror emotions in both body's that get to feel different (better) post trigger - if we bring awareness and reflection to it.

I hope you’re following so far.

To recap: sometimes people lack empathy...and other times it's our expectations or past experiences that make it seem like that.

When we see relationships through expectations like "people always let me down" or "if I let someone see all of me, they'll leave me"..often people fulfil those expectations.

Yes, we need to stop investing in people who validate our insecurities AND sometimes when we address our world views - people surprise us. Relationships shift.

SO we have to fully feel our world views before we can shift them.

They were created at a time your body was impacted by energy you couldn’t digest. Instead this lens provided protection from overloading you.

So, to shift them you need to offload that energy.. “let it go” the new-age spirituals will say.

That happens naturally when the initial charge (emotion) is fully felt.
...and so enters our emotional skills/tools and safe relationships - some things many people never experience.

My grandmother spent her whole life hating women from an old wound. This deeply impacted the way she saw my mum and I - no matter how much we were there for her.

Don’t be like Yiayia.

Clean your sunglasses, feel your baggage and see yourself and others lighter.

The gift of being sensitive comes with responsibility - so we can feel like our emotions are a gift rather than a curse.

In her case - her jealousy became her curse.

"The How-To":

Step one: Ask yourself "what do I believe about relationships". Be brutally honest and write down the views that are woven through past and present relationships.

Step two: Pick the emotion attached with each statement (e.g. sadness, grief, sorrow, anger..)
You might write "I feel insecure that I believe my emotions are always too much for others"

Step three: Check in with your heart if this feels truly correct...when you find a world view = it feels like an 'aha' moment.

Step four: Repeat the statement and feel the emotion until your body feels lighter (usually it gets heavier first).

Write to me if you do this.

Love to you, 🌸 Em + The School For Sensitive Women

p.s. emotional processing is directly linked to the amount of intimacy you can experience.here's a post on that.